Few Words I Whispered To Myself While Growing Up

Tuesday, 6th of November in New Zealand, Auckland

“Don’t get even, get better.”

I woke up at midnight, not in the mood to work 18h straight walking up and down at 34 000 ft to New Zealand while I didn’t want to go, breathing “fake oxygen”, amusing people I didn’t want to, explaining why I can’t give a birth to ice cream or chicken with rice on the plane when it’s eaten, tolerate screaming of a man who didn’t like my facial expression and wanted to leave everything… this skin, this face, this heart, this life… to abandon comfort of luxury life, traveling, living alone, having enough money for whatever I want… because I was… spoiled…

Thinking I was royalty… something special… That I deserved better from life… like all of us do one of those days… living in a movie… day dreaming… but than a sign from the sky and one phone call to change it all…

Was my mother… letting me know that my sister isn’t getting that job… reminding me of cruelty of village we’ve born into where “connection” and corruption ruled and where there is no justice. Where there is one of our parents working hard for miserable reward for decades with not even enough respect to give her daughter some miserable chair in some miserable corner at her age of 24 for some miserable monthly income

I should have been happy but tears of my mother always break me apart.

Fear is not an option, weak is not an option, giving up is not an option. Never mind if you are in some deserted hotel room all alone with jet leg kicking awake all damn night counting hours to go back to something u now call “home”, you still hold on, you still keep going…

So I whispered to myself: Don’t get even, get BETTER and bought that 2.75$ app that makes your resume online and wrote my past out loud and pull that diploma out from the dirt cause any day can be day for a new beginning…

XO,

Jelena

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